I am wondering, where do you get your ideas from about self-care?
Is it TV programmes, scary diagnoses from Facebook, friends or family members, or mum and dad?
All of them can be helpful, but not always specifically helpful for you.
Self-care has become one of those fancy, reassuring phrases that somehow manages to mean everything and nothing at the same time.
And it is really confusing! For some, it’s bubble baths and scented candles. For others, it’s a perfectly optimised morning routine, green juices, and a notebook full of intentions. Scroll for five minutes and you’ll find advice that is inspiring, overwhelming, and occasionally guilt-inducing, all at once.
So let’s simplify it. What is self-care, really?
At its core, self-care is not about indulgence or escape. It’s about responsibility. It’s the persistent, ongoing ability to take care of your physical, emotional, and mental needs in a way that supports your life, not just your mood in the moment.
And here’s the part that tends to surprise people: real self-care is often not relaxing.
The choices you need to make, from outside look like a discipline or toughness; sometimes it looks like going to bed earlier instead of watching “just one more episode or it’s saying no without a long explanation. Sometimes it’s choosing the uncomfortable conversation instead of the easy silence.
To be honest with yourself and admitting that something in your life isn’t working and deciding where to go with it - is also consider as a self-care.
As you can see it is not exactly a spa-day material, but “ohh boy!” - far more effective.
What self-care is not, is simply consumption. Buying things, booking treatments, or following the latest wellness trend can feel good, and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying them, but they rarely fix what’s underneath. If your life is out of balance, a new candle won’t rebalance it (no matter how expensive it smells).
Self-care is also not avoidance. If every uncomfortable feeling is quickly covered up, with scrolling, snacking, or staying busy (doing, helping, organising …) , you’re not really caring for yourself. You’re just pressing pause on something that will eventually ask for your attention again.
And perhaps most importantly, self-care is not one-size-fits-all.
What works beautifully for someone else might feel completely wrong for you. Advice can be useful, but only when it fits your life, your values, and your reality.
Which brings us to a question worth gently considering: is searching for a therapy session a form of self-care?
I won’t give you a neat, universal answer. But I can share this, - my own experience with therapy, and with my therapist, has brought meaningful and lasting changes. It helped me notice patterns I had overlooked, understand emotions I used to sidestep, and respond to life with a little more clarity and a little less reaction.
For me, therapy has become one of many eggs in the basket of self-care. Not the whole basket, not a miracle cure, but a steady, valuable part of it. A place to be honest, to reflect, and occasionally to be challenged in ways that are uncomfortable, but ultimately useful.
It might be something worth considering for yourself.
Because self-care isn’t always a solo activity. Sometimes it includes reaching out, asking for support, and allowing yourself to be guided thoughtfully, respectfuly.
So what does real self-care look like in everyday life?
It starts with awareness. Noticing how you actually feel, rather than how you think you should feel. Catching the early signs of tiredness, frustration, or that subtle sense of being stretched too thin.
From there, it becomes about small, consistent choices. Choosing rest when you need it. Setting boundaries before resentment builds. Being honest instead of endlessly accommodating. These choices may seem minor but they add up, shaping the texture of your days.
Another key piece is alignment. Living in a way that reflects what truly matters to you. If you value connection but never make time for it, or value health but ignore your body’s signals, something will always feel slightly off. Self-care is about gently closing that gap.
And perhaps the most important shift is this: self-care is not a reward. It’s not something you earn after everything else is done. It’s part of how you function well in the first place.
The challenge is that this version of self-care is spectacular. It doesn’t photograph particularly well. No one applauds you for going to bed on time or for saying “no, thank you.” But these are the decisions that protect your energy, your mental health, and your sense of self.
So next time you come across advice about self-care, pause for a moment. Ask yourself: does this support my life or simply distract me from it?
Because real self-care isn’t about creating a perfect routine or keeping up with trends.
It’s about building a life you don’t constantly feel the need to escape from.
Good luck everyone!
Anita